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A SILENT SCREAM


It's not easy to talk about something you aren't even sure exists. It's also not easy to talk about something that makes you different from others and in so many ways almost identical to them. 
Sweaty palms, that sinking feeling in your heart, the panic that rises in your stomach and the fear that things will always go wrong no matter what. There isn't one name to this problem.

I'm not really beating about the bush, nor am i wanting to name it outright. I've been through depression before. It could be the same this time, or completely different. i can't snap out of it. No matter how hard i try and no matter how many times i tell myself its going to be okay. It's like a living being that sits in my stomach and waits and waits. 

I panic. I scream in my head sometimes and i just want to sit in absolute silence on most days. 

I cope through it through food and through long spells of couch therapy. It's not really coping i guess…more like not wanting to deal with things. I'm scared that it's taking a toll on me but i'm not really sure if i am ready to come out of it just yet. 

This post isn't much of anything. Just some thoughts that are screaming for attention. 
I guess it is all about taking things one day at a time. Today i decided i am going to ditch the couch and tomorrow i will go out. It's a step right? 

The biggest thing that keeps me going is the support system i have around me. I am conscious of it and aware that should i need help, i'll always have them.

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Comments

  1. zephyr19 February 2014 at 15:12

    I have been there. And regularly go back there. I understand. Writing about it helps. Atleast it helps me :)
    Love,
    Sanchari

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mana19 February 2014 at 15:18

      I guess that's why i thought writing would be a good start. :) Hoping it helps somehow.

      Delete
  2. Unknown10 March 2014 at 18:59

    eckhart tolle talks about this. His views on life are refreshing. Find him on youtube.

    ReplyDelete

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